December 05, 2018

To My Child: Finally Thriving in Eating Disorder Recovery

child eating disorder recoveryDear M.,
Remember last Christmas Eve, when you and I settled in for a long catch-up chat after all the other family and friends bid their goodnights? We had just paused in an amiable silence when out of the blue, you said,

“Mom, I’d like to get in touch with Dr. G to let him know how I’m doing. I bet he wonders what happened to me. I wanted him to know that I’m okay now; I’m great.”

While you may have been talking about letting your childhood pediatrician know that you are fully recovered from your eating disorder, I knew what you were really saying.

You were telling me that you are fully recovered. You were telling me that I can stop worrying now.
This. This Moment. These Words. This Joy. 
So many years in the making — years of hovering from a distance, allowing you the space to find your way. Silently rejoicing as I saw you re-emerge from your illness. Each year getting better than the one before. In the months leading up to This Moment, I was witness to the light and happiness you radiated. And now, to hear you say the words you knew I needed to hear. 
Unimaginable Joy.
So, thank you for giving me the gift I have been secretly longing for these past six years. This quiet Moment with you. I will carry it with me always. 
I love you,

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