May 04, 2018

To Mum, From Robyn - My Recovery Letter

my recovery letter robyn cruzeDear Mum’s Pink Pajamas,
I know you’re just an inanimate thing 
Satin and mature with no feeling
I mean, you’re pink 
You’re from the 80’s — I get it! 
You’re so NOT appealing.
 
But for all of what you’re not 
You gave me so much more
You embodied nonjudgment 
When I hated the mirrored girl 
Defeated by what I saw.
 
Thank you for falling loose upon my skin
Soothing the periodic guilt and self-hate
For not adding to the self-destruction
For quieting the endless dieting debate.
 
Thank you for lying with me at night  
When I didn’t know how to be with myself
When my head was heavy with self-doubt
And my body-size desires triumphed 
Once more over my health.
 
You were with me during those bleak times
When I was consumed by dread
When I prayed and cried and fretted
Refusing to get out of bed.
 
And when late 
I hit the pillow in triumph
Defeating the obsessive voice
You and my Mum’s scent still in the satin
Girls together, we rejoiced.
 
So:
Dear Mum’s Pink Pajamas
It’s true, you cannot feel
But you were and are
So much more to me
You helped a daughter heal.
 
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