Eating Disorder Recovery: How to Find Healing and Hope
By Sydney Fitzgibbons
I’ve gathered so much valuable wisdom during my own eating disorder recovery, and I hope it brings you inspiration today. You are strong and resilient, and I am here to support you. Please know that I am proud of you for taking this step toward healing.
Tip 1: Create a life you are excited to live.
It’s never too late to start doing the things you’ve always wanted to do. My relationship with food changed when it was a part of a life and connections that I cared deeply about keeping. Slowly but surely, I filled my time with so many things I wanted to do that there remained less and less unoccupied time in my day to focus on the eating disorder.
Tip 2: Tell your loved ones what you need.
It was so helpful for me when my family and friends reached out to schedule time to connect with me. I also had to hold myself accountable for reaching out to do this too. Between all of us, I didn’t have a ton of downtime, and quality time together was pivotal for me.
Tip 3: Give yourself grace.
In treatment, I learned what the voice of giving myself grace sounded like. This is the voice I recognize as my own today, after lots and LOTS of practice! In tough moments, when I was frustrated and being hard on myself, my eating disorder treatment team held compassion for me that I couldn’t find at the time. They reminded me that I was learning to live in a way I had never done before in such a raw manner. My favorite perspective question I learned in treatment is, “How can you expect yourself to be skilled at something you haven’t practiced yet?”
Tip 4: Be gentle and check in with yourself.
When I was dealing with eating disorder triggers in early recovery, I would slow down, change my environment to somewhere calmer and ask myself, “What do I need right now that I am using the eating disorder to fix/stop/numb?” Once I had the answer, I would try to meet that need in another way.
Tip 5: Be willing to have hard conversations.
In eating disorder recovery, communication can be difficult. Eating disorders exist and thrive in silence. And eating disorders can be used to regulate the nervous system. When you remove that crutch, you’re left with a lot of unmet needs that must be discussed and met. Recovery is impacted by your capacity to be honest and communicate your feelings.
Tip 6: Identify what is within your control.
If I was having an emotional reaction to a situation, I would ask myself what I could control in that situation. When it seemed like there was nothing that I could control, I would have to adjust my mindset or attitude. I would ask myself what I wanted to do about the things I could control and tried to take some action there. For things I couldn’t control, I got curious about what the learning opportunity was in the situation. Beyond that, I learned to see the things I couldn’t control as simply not worth my energy. I focused very intentionally on looking for the lesson in each situation, taking action when I could and accepting when I could not.
Tip 7: View life from a different perspective.
My treatment team helped me see things from the perspective of a healthy person. If I felt triggered to use eating disorder behaviors, they would help me pause, think about what unmet need I had or difficult emotion I was trying to avoid, and talk through it, as well as remind me that the eating disorder has continuously failed to give me what I needed long term.
Tip 8: Stay busy but stay balanced.
My eating disorder took up so much time and energy. In recovery, I became very intentional about using that energy and time to do things I cared about. I found that the less time I had unoccupied, the better off I was. I add the caveat to “stay balanced” because I was historically an over-giver, over-committer, etc. Learning to say “no” is one of the most powerful and self-loving tasks I have accomplished. I also did a lot of eating disorder therapy that helped me recover, untangling what I thought it meant about me when I said “no” to others, and that was very helpful.
Tip 9: Find an accountability partner.
My eating disorder treatment team helped me with accountability by providing many opportunities for conversations that were nonjudgmental, supportive, and met me where I was. Eating disorders are sneaky illnesses, so having a team looking out for ways that the eating disorder creeped in subtly avoided much worse relapses by addressing individual triggers and symptoms regularly.
Tip 10: Get clear on what you want and your “why” for recovery.
For many years, my attempts at eating disorder recovery were for other people, and my people-pleasing tendencies were not tied to my personal values. Even if, for example, your motivation for recovery is to be there for your friends both physically and emotionally, try to reframe it with a value you have, such as feeling connected and supportive. The more connected you are to your “why,” the more resilient you will be when things get tough.
Tip 11: Make serving others part of your life.
Humans are biologically hardwired to care about the well-being of other humans. Serving others can be part of your career or found in a volunteer role. When I started asking “How can I help?” and spent more of my time doing things that had nothing to do with me, I was able to build a self-worth I was proud of -- and I felt better doing it.
Tip 12: Get out in nature.
When facing eating disorder triggers, I found that working in the garden or taking a walk or a bike ride outside and blasting some music in my headphones significantly helped me move some of the energy of the triggers through my body.
Tip 13: Learn how to urge surf.
The concept of urge surfing helped me a ton in early recovery when urges felt like they would last forever if I didn’t act on them. In the video below, you can learn the basics of urge surging.
Tip 14: Know that eating disorder recovery is within reach.
What helped me in recovery the most was deciding to believe that life is happening for me, not to me. I say that I decided this, because no sky or sea parted; no one ever told me this. I decided to believe this because life is simply much easier when I do.
You do not have to go through this alone. Find support here: Join a free virtual eating disorder support group.
This content is reflective of this individual’s lived experiences. It is intended for informational purposes only. This piece is not to provide medical advice, nor is it a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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