Depression and Suicide Prevention

Transcript

Ellie Pike:
Heads up, listeners. This episode deals with mental health and suicide. Please use discretion, as we know stories like this can be triggering for some. Most importantly, if your a loved one is in crisis. Please reach out to the national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK or the crisis text line, text T-A-L-K to 741741 to chat with someone who can help. To both learn more about suicide and also the resources available to survivors of suicide loss, visit the American foundation for suicide prevention at afsp.org.

Kevin Berthia:
I've been lucky enough to realize my gift and that's why I want people to see that they have a gift. If I have a gift after 22 suicide attempts, after the mistakes that I've made time and in time again after life, then I believe we all have one. That's just truth to be told and I stand firm on that.

Ellie Pike:
On March 11th, 2005, Kevin Berthia became famous for all the wrong reasons.

Kevin Berthia:
I'm not famous for something I wanted to be famous for. Okay. Everybody want to be front page of the paper, but not that type of way.

Speaker 1:
Look at that picture. It's one you'll never forget. That's Kevin Berthia [inaudible 00:01:58].

Ellie Pike:
Kevin's photo made it to the front page of the Saturday edition of the San Francisco Chronicle. For everyone else, his parents, friends and family, this was the first time they knew Kevin to be suicidal. But the truth is that he'd already attempted to take his own life 13 times.

Ellie Pike:
Today, Kevin is miles away from where he used to be, rather than contemplating the end of his life. He's been on an incredible and unlikely journey away from despair and towards hope.

Ellie Pike:
He now spends his time speaking up for mental health and suicide prevention, with a message that has made it around the world. So get ready for a wild ride through Kevin's life story and the serendipitous events that led him to becoming a nationally renowned storyteller.

Ellie Pike:
From Eating Recovery Center and Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center, you are listening to Mental Note Podcast, I'm Ellie pike. So when did you notice you were on a mental health journey?

Kevin Berthia:
I knew early in life because as early as age five years old, I knew I was different. I struggled a lot early growing up because, my mom told me earlier in life that I was adopted. So I was able to be adopted into a two parent home, African American community by African American couple.

Kevin Berthia:
So I looked like I fit in, even though to me, I didn't look like anybody. And it was a struggle for me every day, going outside into the world because we identify who people are by who they belong to. Sisters look alike, cousins look alike. Mom looks like the daughter, dad looks like the... And I never look like anybody. So I always had this yearning of trying to figure out where I belong.

Ellie Pike:
Sounds like you really had trouble with your sense of belonging and your identity, especially which for many of us that comes from our family. So how did that play into your depression and suicidal ideation?

Kevin Berthia:
I think that the idea of how could somebody give birth to me, look at me and give me up. Even to this day at 39 or before this year, and it's still something I can't understand. And so for me growing up, I've never good enough.

Kevin Berthia:
So it just, I was always so hard on myself and I never prepared myself to live a life that I saw myself having a future in. I didn't care about 10 years from now, because if you asked me 10 years from now, what I was going to be, where I was going to be at, I thought I was going to be dead. I didn't think I was going to make it to be an adult.

Ellie Pike:
Wow. Kevin, just even hearing you say that, I know you're saying that so much in past tense, but that is such a heavy reality of being a kid you were at what? Five, 10 years old having thoughts of, I don't really want to be here anymore. Why am I even here? And you didn't talk about him, is that right?

Kevin Berthia:
I didn't, I was a smart kid and now that I think about it because I knew early in life that we don't question people when they're happy or when they look or appear to be happy. If somebody's smiling, you don't say, look at them and say, no, you really are in a dark place.

Kevin Berthia:
You go off the face value of what they look like. So I knew early in life, as long as my outside didn't match my inside that I could always get past. And so I just always kept it to myself because it was easier handling my battles.

Kevin Berthia:
At least I thought it was easier handling my battles internally. When things would happen, I would open myself up and literally put it in a box. I would open up a door inside of myself, inside of my brain and whatever trauma, whatever pain, whatever it is, I will put it in a box and close the door and I did that my whole life.

Ellie Pike:
Thank you so much for sharing that. I know so many people can relate to that feeling of, I think I can handle this better on my own, but it starts to bubble and grow. And if we don't explode, I think a lot of us would implode, right?

Ellie Pike:
There's got to be some kind of breaking point. And I know you'll share a little bit more about that with us, but as you grew up, can you tell us what it was like to transition from elementary to junior high?

Kevin Berthia:
Yeah, that particular transition was tough during that same timeframe of switching schools my parents went through a divorce. So I not only had to deal with an environmental change of my school and change of the environment. My parents divorcing triggered this pain on the inside of me.

Kevin Berthia:
Well, it was the first time that I felt adopted, because during that time my parents was married. I never felt adopted. I hated the idea of being adopted, but I never felt adopted. When my parents divorced, it was the first time I felt alone in the world.

Kevin Berthia:
And that alone feeling triggered all this anger and rage on the inside of me. So when I went to school, I matched the individuals at school who had all these other emotional issues from family and it's like, we match. It's like it was a perfect match.

Kevin Berthia:
And so I used that rage. So I was great at making people feel horrible about themselves because it didn't make me feel good about myself. It just kept people away from me and identifying what was really going on with me.

Ellie Pike:
And what would the risk have been if you had shared your feelings or even felt more approachable to people?

Kevin Berthia:
Back then, laughed at, talked about, your reputation. So you got to realize something. I was born and raised in Oakland, California. So your reputation starts at kindergarten. We've never been allowed to be kids because your reputation. I've watched kids, something happened to them one day and they are in so much fear of what people will say, they have to change schools.

Kevin Berthia:
And that's just the reality of what it was. So I knew that I had to always make sure that I always was doting all my i's and crossing on my t's because I couldn't afford emotional meltdown. Because that's what it was. I'm a very emotional person, but people would never know that because I always went away from that emotion and just treated with anger. So it was easier for me to be angry on the inside than emotional inside. Because when I emotional inside, I'm a cry baby. So I can't be a cry baby at any situation that I'm in. Definitely not.

Ellie Pike:
Well, and I remember you actually in our first conversation saying something along the lines of, if I show my emotions, I would've gotten beat up. So was this like survival instinct that you had to put this like front out there?

Kevin Berthia:
Yeah, that's what it was. But you had to, you show sign of weakness, that's it. And it's blood in the water for your whole school year and you don't want that. Who wants that? That was always my biggest fear.

Ellie Pike:
Sounds like you really use your survival mechanisms to just create the best scenario for yourself that you could have created, which was really protective of your reputation, of yourself. Not being too vulnerable in a place that wasn't safe for you to be.

Ellie Pike:
And then you were dealing with all the emotions of being adopted, having your parents divorce, questioning why did your birth parents give you up and having so many other social cultural factors on top of that.

Ellie Pike:
So I'm curious at what point you really were like, gosh, I'm going to stop just thinking about suicide and I really want to act on my thoughts.

Kevin Berthia:
14. 14 was my first suicide attempt. Nobody ever knew about that was after back and forth, living with my parents. 15 I was all over the place, that's when rage started happening and started punching holes in wall, I was in a bad place.

Kevin Berthia:
I remember on my 16th birthday, I hated life and my mom she just looked at me one day and just said, I got to do something to get me out of this place that I was in.

Ellie Pike:
I can understand how far you've come because I've heard your story before, but let's go back a little bit in time when you didn't have the words to express your emotions. And when you did allow it to compound and compound and compound and feel so triggered that you didn't feel like you could live with yourself.

Ellie Pike:
And I found you because I saw your story on Instagram through the Good News Movement and I'll let you share the story. But I remember looking at your picture being like, what in the world we have to talk to him. He has something to a share. So tell us a little bit, or a lot about your experience on the bridge.

Kevin Berthia:
March 11th, 2005, I drove myself to the Golden Gate Bridge. I was 22 years old. I think that was attempt, I want to say 13 up to that point. So I was trying to look for something. When I woke up that morning, March 11th, 2005, everything that I have compounded and put into a box and closed the door. It was like every door was open. Every box was open. Every emotion that I didn't deal with, I felt, and I couldn't get to the point of containing anything.

Kevin Berthia:
I didn't have a door to close... Everything was open. I couldn't put anything anywhere in it. My anxiety was all over the place. And finally got up that morning and I said, I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to do this because I don't even know why I'm doing it.

Kevin Berthia:
That morning I got up and as I'm pumping my gas, my brain clicked and said Golden Gate Bridge. So I finally get out there from getting lost and I get to the bridge I park and I leave my keys in ignition and because I turn the car off, leave the keys right there. I'm not coming back. If anything was going to stop me, it would've stopped me before I got here. So this has to be meant to be.

Kevin Berthia:
And I still went out there and I walked for about 15 minutes, which felt like five hours because I was still trying to find one reason not to jump and I couldn't find it. I surveyed my whole life and all I saw was pain. All I saw was being a failure. All I saw was being a burden. All I saw was having to live this life for the rest of my life.

Kevin Berthia:
I make the decision. It's like, okay, this is it. And so I looked over the railing and when I looked over the railing, I saw the water. I saw they're going to deter me from getting in that water. But when I looked in the water and I looked down, it was the first time in my life that I saw peace.

Kevin Berthia:
At least I thought was peace. Because for me, I thought if I jump into this water, I don't have to be a burden anymore. I don't have to wake up and feel worthless. I take a couple steps back and I brace myself for impact and I know this is going to be over.

Kevin Berthia:
And it's like this piece that comes over me, I literally jumped off the golden gate bridge. And as I'm in the air, my first responder Sergeant Briggs, who I didn't even know, he was my first responder. I didn't know he was a Sergeant, a cop. I knew nothing about it. We still didn't even know exactly what was said. But it was enough to distract me from the place that I was in.

Kevin Berthia:
As I'm in the air and I literally grabbed the railing with one arm and I came down and somehow my feet got onto this four inch cord that's underneath the railing. And from the top, you can't see the railing. So from the top he thinks I jumped.

Kevin Berthia:
And I remember just being in this situation being, and I kept my eyes closed the whole time, because I couldn't believe that I wasn't in the water. No part of my body is holding on. The only thing that's holding me up is the wind because it's March in San Francisco. So the winch is the windshield was like, literally holding me up against the railing.

Kevin Berthia:
Finally, he is able to just get close enough to talk to me. And I kept my head down, my eyes closed the whole time. And literally for the next 92 minutes, he literally just listened to me and I spoke to him about everything that I've wanted to say. Everything I wanted to tell my biological dad, my biological mother, my adoptive mom, my adoptive dad, my sisters, my teammates, my coaches, everything that I wanted to tell to people that I didn't get a chance to say to people he learned in 92 minutes and he just listened. He just sat there and he just listened to me.

Kevin Berthia:
I never once, like I say, I never looked up, never knew he was a cop. Never knew he was white. Never knew anything about him. All I had in my brain was that this was another human. In 2005, I had never had a great encounter with law enforcement being born and raised in Oakland, California.

Kevin Berthia:
So if I would open my eyes and realized this was a white cop, I wouldn't be here today. Nothing about me would be here today. And everybody say, well, how do you know he listened to you? I talked about all these different things and it was only one thing that brought me back.

Kevin Berthia:
My daughter, that was it. It was a different emotion when I talked about her, he made me realize I went to the bridge March 11th, 2005. Kevin, you going to miss our first birthday. I wouldn't even have been there and I would've missed out everything. If I would've succeeded at completing this.

Kevin Berthia:
I went to hospital for 14 days, after that got home. My mom, she showed me that picture and it was March 12th, Saturday edition. So I immediately told her, we never talking about this day. I went for eight years on a lie acting like that day never existed.

Kevin Berthia:
I don't know how you drive to the Golden Gate Bridge, literally jump off of it. Have a picture, a photo that goes front page of the paper where the world knows and you yourself don't accept it.

Ellie Pike:
While it took Kevin eight years before he finally acknowledged how powerlessly close to death he'd come on the bridge. Depression does not need to carry so much shame.

Ellie Pike:
One of the best ways to short circuit denial and self hatred is to frankly talk about it. So let's do that. We'll get back to Kevin's story in just a minute, but in the mean time I want to introduce you to Dr. Thomas Joiner.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
My name is Thomas Joiner. I'm a professor of psychology at Florida State University, area of expertise is suicide prevention.

Ellie Pike:
Dr. Joiner is going to walk us through the basics of depression, suicidal thoughts, and some of the tools available for finding lasting freedom.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
Well, depression's a very common disorder or condition and suicidal thinking is often part and parcel of the condition. That's not necessarily very high concern in itself. However, there are levels and there are some that do get serious indeed and what we do in our clinic is we just ask people to rate it on a zero to 10 scale with zero being there's no intent whatsoever and 10 being there's definite immediate intent, very high.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
And we just ask for that number. And I find that number to be extremely informative. Now, you can't base everything on that one number, obviously, but it gives you a lot of information. And so with depression, the ones you get worried about have that suicidal element, but not only that, it's that element that has intent in it.

Ellie Pike:
And for the loved one who might be speaking to someone who has any suicidal intent or plan, what is the best advice for that individual?

Ellie Pike:
Because I know as a loved one, it can feel really challenging. Do I bring this up? Do I talk about it? If I talk about it, it could make it worse. What is the right answer and do we have any research to back it up?

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
We have a lot of research that makes it really plain, that talking about it does not cause it on the contrary. If anything, on the contrary talking about it takes some of the edge off of it, relieves it. So I would encourage people to bring it up. It's a challenging topic to bring up. That's true.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
I think that truth should to be faced and acknowledged, shouldn't be glossed over. But people should remember that they're not mental health professionals themselves. So the pressure to be one shouldn't be on them. It should be on a credentialed mental health professional.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
And so reaching out to professionals like that is crucial and reaching out for immediate support and is probably sensible too. And there's lots of resources these days in that regard, one that comes to mind is 1-800-273-TALK, which is this summer going to transition to a 911 like number namely 988. Resources like that are very informative and suicidal people themselves can utilize that resource, but so can concerned loved ones.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
And then these days, a lot of people like to text. Some people like to text more than they like to talk on the phone necessarily. And so there's crisistextline.org. It's just one word crisistextline.org.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
And you can text and get similar advice and support. So those are some pretty simple ideas along with a very important one, which is that by and large, a little bit of care, a little bit of support, a little bit of warmth goes a long way with creatures that are as social and gregarious as we are.

Ellie Pike:
I think you bring up such a good point of just bringing up the topic shows how much care that individual has for the person at risk and is suffering from depression.

Ellie Pike:
So creating that connection and that warmth can really be the antidote to a lot of those suicidal thoughts. Is there any other advice that you provide individuals who might be dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts?

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
Common sense, behavioral measures go farther than people give them credit for. What do I mean by that? I mean things like waking up in the morning at a regular routine time, fairly early in the morning, that takes discipline. And that's the trick of this, that depression can undermine discipline and motivation, both.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
That is true, that is a trick. But there's a skill called opposite action from a therapy called dialectical behavior therapy. In a nutshell, all that means is just like it sounds do the opposite. And for depressed folks, they feel like staying in bed. They feel like not going out or going outside.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
They should do the opposite force. The opposite, which is moving around, getting outside, there's evidence that sunlight is a pretty good antidepressant, especially morning sunlight along with, I mentioned our inherent natures a minute ago being, one thing, social. We need each other, we need interpersonal contact, small doses go a long way.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
Even just showing up to some event where there are other people in the community, in the neighborhood and what have you. Similarly, we're creatures that evolved in biological nature. What I mean by that is that nature is important to us. It speaks to our minds and our souls.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
And so getting out in the sunlight, in the woods, playing with pets, whatever aspect of the natural world, interacting with it, it's an antidepressant in itself. Those are not hard things, except that depression makes them hard because it undermines the discipline to do them.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
And for them to work, they need to be done routinely, daily, pretty much. With depression, it's a trickster and one of its tricks is to take away the very thing that you need to do these things, namely discipline and motivation and energy. That's why opposite action is a pretty important principle.

Ellie Pike:
And the importance of bringing a team alongside of you for that support, because depression is saying, please don't do this, or you're are lacking the motivation to use the discipline that's needed.

Ellie Pike:
So thank you so much, Dr. Joiner. I really appreciate the feedback that you've given us and the tools and the insight. Is there anything that you would like to add before we sign off?

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
Well, I would just add the treatments work. They're not perfect. We have a long ways to go in terms of perfecting and optimizing medication as a treatment and psychotherapy as a treatment, but they both work. And so hand in hand with those other things, things like getting outside, moving around, socializing, interacting with nature, sunlight exposure, hand in hand with that.

Dr. Thomas Joiner:
If somebody can get on a medication and see a therapist regularly, all those things are easier and easier these days with access and telehealth and et cetera. So, that's the package that you need to fight this, if you're vulnerable to it, because it's a serious condition and it requires a serious fight.

Ellie Pike:
That idea of opposite action that Dr. Joiner talked about is really powerful. Let's get back to Kevin to find out how a surprise trip to New York city and a bit of scheming from his mom prompted him into a series of radical opposite actions. Together, they proved strong enough to finally break his tenacious eight year denial and fuel him into a different life.

Kevin Berthia:
So eight years go by. We're in 2013 now and I am probably in the worst place ever. I'm back in the same place I was in 2005 mentally. I can't get out of this rut. And I told myself, all right, this is about to be... I literally knew I wasn't going to make it out of 2013. I knew it. Nobody else did, but I knew I wasn't going to make it out.

Kevin Berthia:
March comes around and I remember my mom coming to me and she's like, I got some radio station tickets, you just go. All right. And my mom was banking on me, not asking no questions just get on the plane, go to New York and not ask no questions. And that's what I did. So I get out there and I remember going down the stairs and there's a guy holding my name, Berthia with a tag. So I'm like, oh, okay, this is getting a little [crosstalk 00:24:57].

Ellie Pike:
You're like a VIP treatment.

Kevin Berthia:
Yeah. You get in [crosstalk 00:25:01]...

Ellie Pike:
You hop in a limo.

Kevin Berthia:
That's what I'm saying. You get in there, we get a ride. We get to the hotel, the phone is blinking, red light. I got a message. And it's from the radio station. They want me to call. So I'm thinking I'm about to call them and bust their bubble and let them know, ah, I'm not my mom.

Ellie Pike:
Because your mom has said that, can you go in my place, right?

Kevin Berthia:
Yeah. And that's basically what it was. I don't even really know what she said.

Ellie Pike:
So she's conning you.

Kevin Berthia:
She had said too much. It was just New York and free. I don't know, my favorite word is free. So I don't care once I hear free, it don't matter. All other questions are out the door. So I called a radio station back and I'm going to tell them, I'm not my mom. I hope they won't try to send me back home or something or whatever case may be.

Kevin Berthia:
And as soon as I get on the phone, the guy is so ecstatic. He is like, oh my God, Kevin Berthia. We're so excited to interview you. Oh my God. We're so excited to talk to you about your eight year reunion with your first responder. And I'm like, what?

Kevin Berthia:
Can I just call you right back? I just got into the hotel room. And I called my mom. I said, "Mom, what am I doing out here?" She said, "Oh, you're going to meet the man in the photo, Officer Briggs", mom, you could have said something. She knew I never would've left California. I never would've left. So I get on the air and it's just like no dead air time and I talk openly about things that led up to that day.

Ellie Pike:
Kevin surprises did not end with the radio interview. That night he was scheduled to speak at a formal award ceremony alongside Sergeant Kevin Briggs of the California highway patrol, the very person who helped save his life.

Kevin Berthia:
So we leave there, we go to the Columbus Circle and I'm all decked out in this tuxedo. And now I know I'm meeting Officer Briggs, so now my anxiety is all over the place. I don't know, technically this guy did save me. I don't know what kind of person he is.

Kevin Berthia:
If he wants me to bow at him or kiss his feet. I don't know. But I remember meeting him for the first time at the cocktail hour and I shook his hand and it was like two old high school buddies that haven't seen each other in 20 years. That's what it felt like. It's like I knew this man my whole life. As soon as I shook his hand, I knew exactly how and why he saved me.

Kevin Berthia:
It's something about him. And I just believe that people are destined to be in your life for a reason and that's just what it is. So I remember him, shaking his hand and we took a couple pictures and then we went into the event.

Kevin Berthia:
Everybody's at a table, everybody's all decked up. And I remember Briggs gets up there and he starts talking and I'm facing the crowd. Just like this. And the crowd's looking behind me at the jumble train. I don't know why this thing is so big, but it's like huge.

Kevin Berthia:
And the yahoo documentary goes up and the picture goes up on the screen and the whole crowd goes, oh, like that. So I bite, I want to know what they're looking at, because I'm looking up at the crowd. I'm looking this way. I'm not looking at the screen.

Kevin Berthia:
I probably should have been turned around, but I turn around and I look at it and it's the third time I'm seeing this picture. And they always say third time, the charm, right? Third time I'm looking at this picture. I accept it. It was me in that photo. It was probably one of the most was powerful moments in my life.

Kevin Berthia:
And as I accepted it in my brain, it opened up my heart. And I remember five minutes later, I was on stage talking openly about everything that happened and that led up to that day, March 11th, 2005.

Kevin Berthia:
I remember after I got done, I felt the weight of the world off of me. It was like, I can't explain. It was like, these weights were dropping as I'm talking. By the time I got done, it was like the weight of the world wasn't on me. It was just like, I felt so much better because it's like this is who I am.

Kevin Berthia:
I don't have to lie about who I am anymore. And I remember, after I was done, everybody stood up. This is my first time I've ever spoke in my life. So to have people stand up and give me a standing... So as I'm walking down, people are clapping and I remember people were starting to form a line and I'm thinking this is either the food line or I don't know what type of line this is, but I remember the first lady in line, she was emotionally all over the place.

Kevin Berthia:
She was crying and she said, I need you to look at me. I have to explain something to you. She said, my son, Jacob lost his battle five years ago. She said, I haven't slept in five years. I put my head down, as soon as she said he lost his battle because without knowing, I knew what she was talking about.

Kevin Berthia:
She said, I'm going to sleep tonight and the only reason reason why I'm going to sleep is because you told your story. I can better understand what Jacob was going through now. And as soon as she said that, I put my head up and I looked at her in her eyes and I saw the sincerity in her soul. And in that moment, that's the moment that changed my life.

Kevin Berthia:
Two things happened. I realized one, I wasn't alone anymore and two, It was so much bigger than me. It was so much bigger than me because I couldn't understand how the worst day of my life could give anybody hope. This woman, this phenomenal human is standing in front of me and all of her brokenness and she's telling me that she got a little piece of hope from my worst day of my life. And I can't even make people understand how much my life changed in that moment, because now I didn't want to go back to who I was.

Kevin Berthia:
It took me a couple weeks, but on March 21st, 2013, I woke up and it was the first day I didn't want to die. I always have hope for people because I watched my life go from wanting to die to now helping people who want to die.

Kevin Berthia:
And that happened in a small window, but it started from me accepting who I am and me just realizing that it's certain things that I have to do. And I don't want any individual who want to face this plant to feel alone in their own troubles. I want them to know there is so many people dealing with the same thing is that we have to talk about these things.

Ellie Pike:
It sounds like you find yourself to be a conduit, to bring people together, to help people know that they're not alone. And if you had to give someone or anyone out there struggling with depression and suicidal ideation, if you had to give them any words of hope, what would you say?

Kevin Berthia:
You just got to accept where you at. A lot of times we've been in this dark place for so long. We don't think we deserve to see it get better and everybody deserve to see it get better. So if you're struggling right now, if you're doing something right now, it's somebody for one, I tell you, if you don't believe in anybody in the world is thinking about you. If you don't think somebody in the world is praying for you, I, a hundred percent am thinking about you. I care about you. I need you.

Kevin Berthia:
And here's why I need you, you say, well, you don't even know me, how do you know I need you. I need you because this world was designed to have you, because if the world wasn't designed to have you, you wouldn't be here. So you're here because it's certain, it's a purpose that you bring to the table that the world can't get any better, in order to push the world forward, you have to do what you've been called to do. Whatever your purpose is and if you don't know what that is, let's figure it out.

Kevin Berthia:
Let's figure it out because, nobody was is alive for no reason. And it can't be done, if you don't do it, then we lose that void. The world is the way it is because people leave this world without fulfilling what they were supposed to in this world.

Kevin Berthia:
I've been lucky enough to realize my gift. And that's why I want people to see that they have a gift. If I have a gift after 22 suicide attempts, after the mistakes that I've made time and time again after life, then I believe we all have one. That's just truth be told and I stand firm on that.

Ellie Pike:
Kevin, you are one of the most unique people I've ever met. I am so incredibly lucky to get to have this personal conversation with you, knowing that we get to share it with the world.

Ellie Pike:
Thank you so much for sharing your unique journey and just your confidence and hope that everyone has a unique gift that they bring to the table and that we need them.

Kevin Berthia:
We got it. Somebody got to be crazy enough. We're crazy enough to believe the world can't get any better. So why can't I be crazy enough to believe that it can get better? That's the way I live. I'm done preaching.

Ellie Pike:
Two things stood out to Kevin in the moment he said his life changed for the better. First, he realized he was not alone. Second, he embraced life as so much bigger than just him and his problems. With this vision of community, place and purpose he embarked into a hope filled life.

Ellie Pike:
Your moment of transformation from despair to hope may not be as dramatic or abrupt as Kevin's was. It may be gradual or even boring, but that doesn't mean you're any less worthy of enjoying it. The world awaits your contributions. Above all, I want to reiterate, suicide is a leading cause of death in the US, but it is preventable. Help is always available and you are not alone.

Ellie Pike:
You can learn more about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at afsp.org. That's afsp.org. Most importantly, if your loved one is in crisis, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK or the crisis text line, text T-A-L-K to 741741 to chat with someone who can help. To get in contact with Kevin and find out more about his work, visit the Kevin Berthia Foundation. His website is kevinberthiafoundation.org.

Ellie Pike:
Mental Note is brought to you by Eating Recovery Center and Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center. If you'd like to talk to a trained therapist to see if treatment is right for you, call them at (877) 850-7199.

Ellie Pike:
If you're looking for a free support group, check them out at eatingrecovery.com/support-groups or pathlightbh.com/support-groups. If you like our show, sign up for our eNewsletter and learn more about the people we interview at mentalnotepodcast.com.

Ellie Pike:
We'd also love it, if you left us a review on iTunes, it helps others find our podcast. Mental Note is produced and hosted by me, Ellie Pike, and directed and edited by Sam Pike. Until next time.