Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Transcript

Ellie Pike:
April Snow's first inkling that she operated differently came from a surprising place, her feet.

April Snow:
I remember being a little kid and getting ready for the day, getting ready for preschool, whatever it was, and I would get really fussy about my socks, and they had to be just right.

Ellie Pike:
Unbeknownst to her three-year-old, April had just encountered a trait baked into her DNA, sensory processing sensitivity, or more commonly referred to as the highly sensitive person trait, HSP for short. This same trait is found in 20% of people, regardless of gender. It's even been observed in more than 100 species of insects, birds, and mammals. Yet, despite the widespread prevalence of highly sensitive individuals, we've only recently started to study and learn about the unique challenges and opportunities they encounter, and that's why I'm so excited for this episode.

You see that little girl who fixated on getting her socks just right grew up to be a talented therapist, author, and consultant who works specifically with highly sensitive introverts and therapists. Based out of San Francisco, April helps people move past feelings of overwhelm and guilt to discover the best parts of being more attuned to the world around them. So join us as we examine HSP characteristics, misconceptions, and how to thrive as a highly sensitive person. You are listening to Mental Note Podcast. I'm Ellie Pike.

Well, I am really looking forward to this interview. I have to admit that I am no expert here. So there's a reason I chose you because I'm looking to be educated, but I know that our listeners will be so interested in the concept of being a highly sensitive person, whether they can relate to it themselves or certainly they'll know someone that can relate to it. And so we'll dive into that a little bit more in a moment. But I know you have a personal story related to being highly sensitive, and I really wonder if you'd be willing to share some of that personal journey with us.

April Snow:
Yeah, absolutely. Ellie, happy to share my discovery story. When I was in graduate school to become a therapist, I was looking a lot at myself, obviously, and I was very curious about why was I having a different experience in the world. I was putting more of a microscope to that, and at first, I thought, "Oh, it's because I'm introverted." Right. That's why I have different needs and other people around me, or I feel differently than most of the other people in my life.

But then I had... I am so grateful because I had a classmate ask me, "Have you ever heard of the Highly Sensitive trait and Dr. Elaine Aron's work?" And I said, "No, I have not heard about this." And most people do find out about it through word of mouth. And I was so incredibly transformed. It is like a light switch went off in my life, and everything started to make sense at last. And since then, it's just been this beautiful journey of diving into learning about the trade and working with other HSPs, and helping others have that same discovery.

Ellie Pike:
So April, you realized that you were highly sensitive, then you dove into this work, and now you're an expert and really working with other folks who can relate with this highly sensitive trait. So how does someone know if they are highly sensitive?

April Snow:
Yeah, it's a very important question because every HSP looks differently, right. We have... That's just one part of our experience, and there's lots of other intersections. But the one thing that all HSPs and have in common is if you look really closely, you can see the trait from birth. So it's really helpful if you're not sure if it's high sensitivity or something else. You can look back and see were these characteristics present throughout my life.

And so they're summarized by the acronym DOES, D-O-E-S. So that's depth of processing, that's being easily overwhelmed, being more responsive to all of your emotions and having more empathy, and then also being sensitive to subtleties and being more aware of subtleties in your environment. And so I can also break those down because what do they mean in terms of real life, right?

Ellie Pike:
I would love, could we run through maybe an example of each?

April Snow:
Absolutely.

Ellie Pike:
Starting with the depth of processing. What is an example for us?

April Snow:
Yes. So depth of processing is taking time to make decisions or taking more time with transitions. Also, really just needing to sit with all of your experiences.

Ellie Pike:
It makes sense. I think we all have to process, but some of us can just absorb and move on really quickly. And then-

April Snow:
Right.

Ellie Pike:
... some of us, my daughter, that I used as an example, is still processing six months later the loss of her great-grandfather. And every once in a while, she'll say, "Mommy, I have a secret." And she'll whisper in my ear, "Grandpa Jerry died," and it's really heartbreaking, but she's still processing it and understanding what that means, while-

April Snow:
Exactly.

Ellie Pike:
... other kids at her age might just have moved on by now.

April Snow:
And you used the keyword there is the meaning. So HSPs are looking for the meaning so they can then store it and recall it later. That's part of the evolutionary component of the trait why it exists. It's because we're looking for meaning, and we're going to apply that later to make sure that there's safety, there's consistency. Yeah, very important.

Ellie Pike:
And then moving to the next, the O in the acronym DOES.

April Snow:
Yeah.

Ellie Pike:
So the O is overwhelm and overstimulation.

April Snow:
Yes. And this is what I like to call the Achilles heel of the traits of these four characteristics is the most difficult and the most common to have to deal with, especially in kind of the very connected, busy world we live in. And it's what you would think. So it's feeling easily overwhelmed, which also often comes with anxiety. You can also see mood changes or feeling distracted or irritable or impulsive. I see a lot of HSPs having physical symptoms as well from the stress of being chronically overwhelmed, a lot of headaches, getting colds, having other health-related issues.

Ellie Pike:
That's really interesting that you can see it relate not just to feelings but also health in a broader way.

April Snow:
Yeah. Right. Because stress impacts all the systems of our body.

Ellie Pike:
Right. And especially for someone who's highly sensitive, it seems like it would feel even more connected.

April Snow:
Exactly.

Ellie Pike:
Okay. And then the E in DOES is emotional responsiveness and empathy.

April Snow:
So this is the part of the trait which is, I think, the most obvious. And also what people that do not have the trait do not have that lived experience attach onto. And when we think of someone who's highly sensitive, we think of them as someone who's very emotional, right.

When really, for us, we feel all of our emotions more deeply and when we're regulated and feeling balanced, usually in a very controlled, subtle way. And then also being able to feel in and imagine what others are feeling, having that really strong empathy more so than others would.

Ellie Pike:
And then the last one being sensitivity to sensory stimuli and then the awareness of subtleties. And this is the example that you gave with socks, but it might be helpful just to have another example.

April Snow:
Absolutely. So an HSP is the person that notices all the little details. So if you walk into a room, you're the first one to notice that something has changed, or the first one to notice if your friend got a new haircut or is showing a subtle emotion on their face or something changed in their demeanor, right. We're noticing everything, not just sensory information, but everything. And with the senses, it's not that we're having trouble integrating them. It's more they just are a little bit more intense, or we're more aware of them.

Ellie Pike:
To me, it kind of seems like a superpower. It's like, well, that's pretty amazing to notice. And especially for certain careers and down the road and being in tune with other people. I mean, it's pretty amazing to be able-

April Snow:
It is.

Ellie Pike:
... to notice those details.

April Snow:
You got it. Exactly. It brings so much to the table in so many different situations.

Ellie Pike:
So if someone is listening to this and is like, "Ooh, I really want to know if I and HSP," how could they find out?

April Snow:
Yeah, so the best way to do... to find out about the trait in yourself is to take the HSP self-test, which was developed by Dr. Elaine Aron. She's really the founder of the trait. The person who put it on the map. And that's at hsperson.com, and you'll see a tab for tests. There's an adult test and also a child test.

Ellie Pike:
Oh, that's really helpful. Thank you so much.

April Snow:
Yeah, of course.

Ellie Pike:
And then we're all pretty used to a lot of self tests, right.

April Snow:
Sure.

Ellie Pike:
You can take a personality test. You can do this. There's a lot of different ways for us to conceptualize who we are and how we experience the world. So is this just another test, or is there actual research and grounding for this being more than a conceptualization, but maybe actually integrated into our genetics?

April Snow:
It's a great question because you will see other highly sensitive tests and quizzes online, just similar to maybe like a BuzzFeed quiz or something like that. But Dr. Aron's was developed using her research along with other people's research.

So, at this point, there's a handful of researchers all across the world who are studying the trait and then also continually improving these tests. There's actually... They have a new test in the works, and then there's another questionnaire that just came out last year out of the Netherlands. So there's constant refinements and improvements, which is exciting. They're getting more and more accurate.

Ellie Pike:
Well, it's really exciting, and it's cool to hear that it's not just an idea, but there's actual research behind it.

April Snow:
Yes.

Ellie Pike:
Which leads me to my next question. How does someone become a highly sensitive person?

April Snow:
Yeah, it's very simple. You're born with it. That's it.

Ellie Pike:
So it's an innate genetic trait.

April Snow:
It's innate genetic trait. It's found in 20% of humans. And then also this is the most exciting part for me because it proves that there's a purpose in the trait. You'll also find it in at least a hundred other species. So they found it in fish, primates, mice, insects. This trait of higher sensitivity, higher responsiveness. So it's something that is purposeful in survival.

Ellie Pike:
This is really fascinating to me, and I imagine that with the conversation that happens and all over social media and just with other folks, there can be a lot of misconceptions regarding what this means. So would you mind defining some of those so we know what to tease out in our conversations?

April Snow:
Absolutely. Especially with the term highly sensitive, it's open to interpretation, right. And so the biggest one, I've heard this from people a lot, which is that high sensitivity is the same as introversion, which is actually not true. 30% of HSPs are actually extroverted. So they're feeling that urge to socialize, urge to connect more, but also they have more of a need for downtime and rest and introspection compared to non-HSP extroverts. It's also something that is... People say, "Oh, that's just in women." They think that it's related to your sex, but that's also not true. Anyone of any sex or gender can be highly sensitive.

The biggest one that I hear is people saying, "High sensitivity is the same as trauma or hypersensitivity, or that it's the same as a mental illness." You often will get it lumped in with other disorder or with disorders. That's also not true. HSPs are more impacted by trauma or mental health struggles. But the inverse is also true, where we thrive more when we have positive supports, which is, like you said, it's like a superpower, right. We can really benefit from even a little bit of self-care, a little bit of relational support, whatever else we're doing to take care of ourselves.

And then lastly, the trait is often equated with autism or ADHD. They're not the same, but they do fall under the neurodivergent umbrella. We have brains that operate differently as HSPs, same as folks with autism or folks with ADHD or dyslexia or other forms of neurodivergence. Typically, the environmental or the sensory sensitivity, you'll find those in all forms of neurodivergence usually. But if you really look a little bit more closely, you'll see that there's differences, but still so much research that needs to happen there.

Ellie Pike:
Well, thank you for pulling out and teasing out some of those misconceptions because-

April Snow:
For sure. There's quite a bit.

Ellie Pike:
Well, I know that I've had some of them, right. For example, when I think about someone who has experienced trauma, and they do have survival instincts that kick in, it could look really similar in some ways to the highly sensitive person. But what I'm really hearing is a really key differentiator is that someone is born an HSP. It's just innately part of them. It's not formed by the environment or really brought out by circumstances, but it informs how they respond to environmental circumstances. Is that accurate?

April Snow:
That's exactly right. Where you're born with a trait of high sensitivity, you experience trauma throughout your life. They can coexist, of course. You can be highly sensitive with the trauma history. You can be highly sensitive and have ADHD or have autism. All these pieces can intersect and show up together, which gets a little complicated to try to pull them apart, but they're not one in the same.

Ellie Pike:
Well, I really appreciate this conversation because life is complicated, but then there's also this... it's kind of simple in a lot of ways. Like 20% of people are HSPs, 20% of people are falling under this neurodivergent umbrella under HSP.

So it's just a fact, and it's just a way that someone is going to process the world around them. And so when we talk about that, I mean really, I do go back to that statement I made earlier about it feels like a superpower. It seems really incredible. Would do you mind speaking to the benefits of being a highly sensitive person?

April Snow:
Yes. Absolutely. This is my favorite topic to talk about because, a lot of times, we get stuck on the difficulties of the trait being more overwhelmed, experiencing our difficult emotions more intensely. But there are so many benefits [inaudible]. You alluded to this earlier, that there a... these strengths [inaudible] in a lot of different areas of life, and everyone benefits from HSPs existing in the world. We benefit personally, but also there are big-picture benefits. And so just start with the kind of more personal benefits.

As an HSP, you're more perceptive, you're more intuitive, which means you're going to be able to be more clear on your boundaries, on your decisions, on what's safe or not safe for you. You're going to be a really strong decision maker. HSPs take more time to make decisions, but they're usually very accurate and strong decisions. We can see 10 steps ahead, whereas other folks may not be able to do that. And then you're also bringing in long-term memory, which is more active, and you're able to pull up data from your past experiences. "Oh, I remember when I was in this situation. I'm going to use that to my advantage this time, combined with my intuition and my depth of emotion, and make really good decisions."

It's incredible. I mean, we're also very detail-oriented and passionate and dedicated, which is great if you're at work, right, or you're in relationships. We're incredible at reading body language and nuance in that way. And we can really anticipate the needs of others in relationships, which, as we know, is an amazing quality to have if you're in a partnership, or you're in your work relationships or in your family. Also have a very rich inner world, creativity and our dream lives, and being able to visualize and think of innovative ideas. And then getting to feel everything deeply means not only noticing but being deeply impacted by all those little joys that you experience throughout your day.

It could be just really enjoying that cup of tea or coffee in the morning, a smile on your child's face, or the bird out the window, or seeing a dog on your walk at night. You're going to take that... those experiences in at a such more impactful level. And then also, we're really aware of what's needed in not only for ourselves but in our communities at home, at work, in our relationships. Think about the HSP partner who's making sure everyone in the house goes to their medical appointments or the tires on the car are replaced on time, right. There's just so many things that we bring to the table, not just in our own lives but in everyone else's lives that's around us.

Ellie Pike:
Well, as you talk, I'm like, "Man, everybody needs an HSP in their life. This is really amazing."

April Snow:
Exactly.

Ellie Pike:
And I can relate with a lot of pieces of this personally, but also very much so with my partner and also my child. I'm like, "Oh, wow, this really makes a lot of sense to me." And with that being said, I have watched, especially using my daughters as an example, how overwhelming it can be to be highly sensitive.

April Snow:
Yes.

Ellie Pike:
And I know that that's not just her experience. So I'm wondering, from your perspective, what does an HSP need to create some of those guardrails that they don't feel constantly overwhelmed or overstimulated?

April Snow:
Yeah, this is such an important part of the equation because, as I just said, there's a lot of benefit. But also just imagine being open and influenced by so many little data points or nuances throughout the day when there's so much happening. It easily can feel like a burden to be highly sensitive, and that strength, those benefits get buried. So it's really important to look at, "Okay, what do I need to access the best parts of this trait, the strengths of this trait?" Number one, has to be learning about the trait. Knowing it's real, that it has validity, understanding yourself and that others like you exist and that you have different needs.

So first, it's really important to know why you're having the experiences you're having. So that's number one for sure. And then, once you understand what your needs are and why they're different, then protecting your time to make sure that you have off time, downtime, and there's time to do all that processing and catch up from your day and make sure you have time to integrate it, and you have time to just be still and quiet. And, of course, it's going to be important to set some boundaries around that time. And then, in addition to downtime, we have processing time. We also need to connect to meaning. So that could show up in a lot of different ways for different people.

It could be time in nature. It could be spiritual, religious practice. It could be time with your children or your pets. It could be time doing things that you love, cooking, crafting, playing video games, reading, watching movies, watching... engaging in sport, whatever it is, doesn't matter as long as it's meaningful to you and that you feel nourished and filled back up by it. And then also taking care of your nervous system, your emotions. So that could look a lot of different ways for different people. For me, I love mindfulness and body work and journaling, but there's so many different ways to do that through movements, through therapy, somatic therapies. And then find another HSP, whether it's online or in person.

If you start a book club at the library or you find a meetup group that's happening in your community or over Zoom, having that experience of being around another HSP is life-changing. I'm not being hyperbolic. It truly is. Having had many, many experiences in community with HSPs. Also, my wife is an HSP, and I have HSP friends. So it's very different when you get to kind of vibrate the same rhythm with someone. You're like, "Oh, I'm not alone. There's nothing wrong with me. My experiences are valid." So there's a few different layers. All important.

Ellie Pike:
I know one misperception I had when initially thinking through what an HSP looks like and how they need to cope with the world and not be overstimulated was that they need a lot of emotional regulation skills.

And I think that you've really proved me wrong in that area where it's really like, no, it's not about emotional regulation necessarily, but more of processing time to process the emotions that they're experiencing or having or the sensory intake that they've received.

And I wonder if you could even speak to what that is like for parents parenting HSP kids who may not know how to create those, maybe the spaces that they need in order to process or to create the boundaries or to do the meaningful pieces. What are some ways that you could guide parents in this?

April Snow:
Yeah, and I think about parenting an HSP kiddo, which I don't have that experience, but I have worked with kids in my therapy practice, and I think a big part of it is not pushing past the emotions or past their experience, but just taking a moment to see them in it. "Okay, your socks are bothering you today. I understand that. And we're also, we need to limit that focus and then move on." But just taking a moment to acknowledge that they're having an emotion, and it might be different than what you could even imagine, and then creating spaces for them to decompress. So having a mindfulness corner or having the whole family have quiet downtime so it's normalized.

 

Everyone's doing it. It's not just you getting sent off to your room because you're different. So yeah, having space for expression, but also containment at the same time because HSP kids are going, I think, even more need that structure, that consistency. They're going to respond to that. So having routines in place. With an HSP nervous system, every time you go through something new, your brain is wired with a pause. So you're wired with a pause and reflect response. So before you do anything, your brain has to assess what's about to happen. Is it safe? Do I know what to expect? What do I need to do to prepare? So building in that as well. So having routine, but also building in maybe a little bit of buffer for kids, because the HSP child is more slow to warm. They're going to need to hang out on the outskirts for a while. They're going to need a moment before getting into the car or before getting their shoes on, or before transitioning between playtime and dinnertime or dinnertime and bedtime. So seeing them and then creating little pockets to honor their experience as a slower transitionor, a deeper processor, and then seeing if other people can get on board with it too, because usually what's good for HSPs is good for everyone.

Ellie Pike:
I was just going to say that as you're talking about this as it relates to a kid, is any of it really that different for an adult?

April Snow:
No. [inaudible].

Ellie Pike:
So really it's like all of this applies for pretty much all of us, but especially-

April Snow:
Exactly.

Ellie Pike:
... for children and adults who are HSPs. It's true.

April Snow:
Yeah. As adults, also give yourself time to transition, and honor your emotions and think through what's about to happen. And yeah, all the same things.

Ellie Pike:
These are great pieces of advice. Thank you so much, April. I really hope that what comes out in this episode is just how incredible HSPs are and what an incredible gift it is to feel so deeply, to be able to be so attuned with the world and with themselves. And I really hope that everyone takes away an additional piece of taking care of yourself. It's hard. It's hard to absorb so much and to feel so much and to process so much sensory stimulation, but it's so important, and you're so worth it. And thank you for bringing that to light.

April Snow:
Absolutely, Ellie. And I appreciate that you bringing that last piece up, which is this trait has a lot of gifts, a lot of strengths that are beneficial to us and the world. And just a reminder, they're only accessible when we take care of ourselves, when we get downtime, when we set boundaries when we fill ourselves up with nourishing activities.

Ellie Pike:
It's easy to think of the highly sensitive person trait in negative terms. In today's society, even the word sensitive can be thrown around as an insult. Yet, for all of the moments of overwhelm and guilt, HSPs gain access to seemingly superhuman levels of observation, connection, and joy. So before saying farewell today, I want to reiterate what April said. There are amazing benefits to being a highly sensitive person, yet they're only available when you take care of yourself. Here are a few great places to start. April Snow's website, aprilsnowconsulting.com, is full of free workshops, courses, and books.

I especially love the Highly Sensitive Person workbook because it both helps you feel less overwhelmed while also honing your strengths. While you're researching, I highly recommend the website of Dr. Elaine Aron, the trailblazing researcher who started this field of study back in 1991 on hsperson.com. You can take free research-based self-test, learn about how other traits like extroversion or novelty seeking, manifest in highly sensitive persons and access numerous resources for help. Thank you for listening to Mental Note Podcast. Our show is brought to you by Eating Recovery Center & Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center.

If you'd like to talk to a trained therapist to see if in-person or virtual treatment is right for you, give them a call at (877) 850-7199. If you need a free support group, check out eatingrecovery.com/support-groups or pathlightbh.com/support-groups. If you like our show, sign up for our e-newsletter and learn more about the people we interview at mentalnotepodcast.com. We'd also love it if you left us a review on iTunes. It helps others find our podcast. Mental Note is produced and hosted by me, Ellie Pike, and directed and edited by Sam Pike. Till next time.