We might see boys mask sadness with anger, internalize shame, and have more moments of acting out. They’re told to shake things off, don’t cry, be tough. And when the anger comes, people might say, “Oh, boys will be boys.”
Dr. Alyssa Lucker, the medical director at Pathlight Mood and Anxiety Center, says over time, boys are taught that it’s not appropriate to express emotion. While she says at baseline, boys and girls both have the ability to express and show emotions, she thinks boys aren’t taught emotional vocabulary when girls are.
“If boys aren’t taught that emotional vocabulary, it’s hard for them to distinguish their feelings. They don’t know what’s going on,” says Dr. Lucker. “Maybe they’re feeling frustration, or they can’t separate them out.”
With no words to accurately express what they’re feeling, boys might turn to anger. Along with encompassing other emotions, anger gives a sense of protection for boys afraid to show vulnerability, Dr. Lucker explains.